How To Love
by Maureen Painted Green
Summary: Rory was born with a disease. The doctors say she won't live past 5. This is a story of the love of a mother for her daughter, and how it can do incredible things. MotherDaughter. OneShot.


**A/N:** I'm not going to try to explain this one, or even really to interpret it. It took hold of me today and when I sat down to type, it just kept flowing out. It's a change of circumstance, a different path than the Gilmore Girls we all know and love, but the soul of it is the same. It's a love story, plain and simple, but the beauty of it is that it's a story of the incredible love of a mother for her daughter.

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The first time I ever really lived, I was sixteen years old. I was laying on a hospital bed, exhausted from everything that had happened to me that day. I felt so alone and afraid. I wasn't ready to be a mother. I had nothing to give, nothing to offer a child. I didn't know what to do, whether to keep the baby or put it up for adoption. All of that changed the instant they put my daughter in my arms.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like a lonely, frightened teenager. Suddenly, I couldn't feel anything but this overwhelming surge of emotion for this tiny person in my hands. I later learned that's what love felt like. From the moment they placed that baby girl in my hands, I knew I would give anything for her. I would teach her and guide her, give her strength, and love her. I would let her be who she was, and be proud of her for it. I wanted nothing more for myself than the chance to watch her grow.

The nurse smiled at me and gave me a minute to admire the beautiful baby in my arms before she said anything.

"You'll have to think of a name for her." She finally said.

"Lorelai." I said, claiming her as my own. She was mine now, and nothing could take her away from me. "Lorelai Leigh Gilmore." Though I would later tell the story of her name as if I had been taken over by some sudden burst of feminism, and had named her after me because men shouldn't be the only ones allowed to do that, it was something so much more. It was love. I loved this baby so much, that I wanted to give her everything I had. Starting with my name, and ending with my abysmal coffee addiction and my iron character. I gave it to her as a sort of sign. To others, I was saying "Suck on that, all you men passing your names down the line", but to me, it was "Let me deserve you. Let me help you and love you and be there for you. Need me the way I need you".

The day I got Rory was the happiest day of my life, but it was closely followed by some not-so-happy days. One, I remember in particular. The doctor came into my room with the results of some test or other to show me. He stood in the corner, where he couldn't see me directly, and he cleared his throat about 30 times before he spoke.

"We have some bad news for you, Miss Gilmore." He told me. I waited. "During some routine newborn screening, we found that Rory has a rare disease. She'll have to go through some more tests, but it doesn't look good." I shook my head numbly, and watched him walk outside.

The next few weeks were some of the worst of my life. They hooked Rory up to machine after machine, testing everything about her, and trying every trick in the book. Finally, the head of the medical team came to speak to me.

"Rory has a rare disorder, as you obviously know by now." She began, trying to look me in the eye. "We've done everything we can; tests, researching a cure, Dr. Robertson spent 3 days reading obscure medical information. There's nothing we can do, Lorelai. She'll function normally. She'll be like a normal person, but it will start to destroy her eventually."

"How long?" I asked, my voice almost raw with emotion. The doctor definitely couldn't look me in the eye this time.

"We'd be surprised if she lives more than five years." My heart stopped. My beautiful baby girl, who I would do anything for. I would only have her for five years? I would never get to see her graduate high school. Never hold her hand as she went to school for the first time. Never want to kill her first boyfriend. I lost myself in the thoughts of all the things I would never see my daughter do, when I picked up a word the doctor said.

"...adoption."

"What?" I asked, disbelieving.

"There are people that can give her a good life until she's ready to go." She explained. "You're so young. You shouldn't have to give up your future to watch her and help her. She's only going to die."

"Never." I replied, shaking from anger. "Never. I will never give up my daughter. I will never abandon her, the way people abandoned me. I will never give up on her. Loving my baby isn't a waste of my life. How could I ever live with myself if I gave up this little girl, the only person I've ever really _loved?_ I will do anything for her. I'll give her every bone in my body. I'll give her every moment of my life, every breath I have left in me, but I will _never _give up on her."

A few days later, they sent me home from the hospital. I was healthy, and so was Rory for now. They said she'd live a normal life up until the very end. I hoped that was still a long way away. I took Rory back to Hartford, to the house that I had grown up in. We lived there with my parents for about a year. Finally, I gave up. I couldn't handle my parents anymore, and I didn't want my beautiful baby girl to have to go through the same things I had, all the repression and lying. All the deception and appearances. So I ran. I packed up Rory's baby clothes, and a few of my own into my big suitcase with the Metallica sticker on it. I waited until my parents were getting dressed for a charity event, and I bolted.

Late that night, I stumbled upon a small inn. I could squinted to make out the sign in the darkness. "Independence Inn" it read. I figured that was good enough for me. Considering my new-found liberation and all. I opened the door slowly and peeked inside, shifting my suitcase and Rory around as I did so. A woman descending the stairs noticed my awkward entrance and came to my aid, relieving me of the suitcase.

"What can I do for you, sweetheart?" She asked.

"I have $63.80...is that enough to stay here for the night?"

"You're awfully young. Do your parents know you're here?"

"By now, I would assume so."

"What do you mean?"

"I ran away." I said. She gave me a look that I didn't expect. It wasn't full of annoyance and anger like most people's would have been. She didn't see it as some fit of teenage angst. Something about the way she looked at me made me trust her. "They wanted me to be like them, to fit in with their world and never say or do anything I'm not supposed to. They wanted to make me some playboy's wife. They didn't want me to talk about the things that weren't proper, but that wasn't me. I couldn't be that girl, that just sits there and lets other people take control of her life. So I ran. I brought my daughter, Rory with me, and I just walked until I couldn't walk anymore. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I just need a place to stay tonight."

"And where are you gonna go tomorrow?" The woman asked me.

"I don't know. I guess I'll just keep walking. Try and find a job. A place to stay."

"Come on," She told me, taking my suitcase up the stairs, "You can stay here for free tonight."

"Thank you." I told her, meaning it with all my heart.

"You're welcome, dear. What's your name?"

"Lorelai."

"Well, Lorelai, my name is Mia. I can see you've been though some hard times, and I don't know exactly what it is that's haunting you, but I hope you find some comfort here."

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The next morning, I woke up in a comfortable bed. Rory slept beside me, in that deep baby sleep that enchants me so much. I was debating whether or not to get up yet when a knock came on the door.

"Come on in," I said, a little surprised. Mia stepped inside and smiled at me.

"I have something to ask you." She greeted me.

"Shoot."

"We have an opening for a maid. It's not much money, but it'll keep you in food and clothing. I've got a small potting shed out back where you and your daughter could live, should you choose to stay. It's not easy work, but you'll be safe here, and you'll be able to keep the baby warm and full."

"Wow, Mia, I don't know what to say." I replied. "No one's ever done something like this for me before."

"You've obviously never been to Star's Hollow then."

"Star's what?"

"That's the name of this town. Star's Hollow. Oh sure, they're all crazy, but they're the nicest bunch you could ever meet. I'd love it if you could become one of us."

"Of course." I replied, not even thinking. It was so much more than I had ever imagined. "I'm so grateful." She smiled at me.

"I'll help you get your stuff to the potting shed. It's basically empty, and we might need to clean it a little, but it should suit you and Rory just fine." I just grinned back.

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I took the job at the Independence Inn and threw my whole self into it. I learned to turn down a bed in record time. I learned the basics of cleaning, and a lot about the inn business from Mia. She became a surrogate mother to me while I lived there. She was around to help me out with Rory, and she taught me things I needed to know.

A few years after I got to the Independence Inn, I finally had enough money to buy a house of my own. By this time, I was well-acquainted with the crazy town of Star's Hollow. Rory and I decided to move more towards the center of town. She was about six, already a year older than anyone thought she would ever be. Rory's always been tough.

We bought a relatively small house in Star's Hollow. It was nothing special, but it was home for many years. We affectionately referred to it as the Crap Shack, and that was that. It was right after the move that Rory started 1st grade. She had been reading for years, and she was smart as a whip, so school was something she really enjoyed. I loved picking her up when I got of work and seeing that great big school smile on her face.

Just a little while after that, Mia promoted me to manager of the Independence Inn and moved to California. I missed her a lot, but running the inn I loved so much was an incredible experience for me. I began to dream of one day opening my very own inn. That's also when I met Sookie, who became the chef at the inn. She's one of the best friends in the world, even if she is remarkably accident-prone.

Through all these little triumphs, Rory kept growing- taller and older. She knew about her disease, and about the possibility that she could become sick and never get better at any time, but she didn't let it bother her. She just lived. She let each day bring her joy or sorrow, tragedy or triumph. She understood something fundamental that has taken me all these years to finally learn. She saw her life as a precious gift, and rather than spend her time feeling sad for herself, she lived and believed, worked and dreamed of a future she may never be able to have.

I watched on with loving eyes as my beautiful baby girl beat all the odds. I remember her eighth birthday, when the cops came to the party I threw her. It was a smash of a party, for my baby who had lived when they said she would die. All those things that I had imagined never being part of on that terrible day in the hospital, I ended up being a part of. She shared my coffee addiction, and helped me beg Luke, our favorite diner owner in the world for "Liquid death". We spent so many nights having movie marathons and eating quantities of junk food so large no one but us could have stomached them. My daughter and I were uncannily close. We were best friends, bonded together by a love so strong it couldn't be broken. I watched my daughter as she entered high school, and got accepted into a fancy private school because she was so brilliant.

I watched her change and grow. I hated her first boyfriend, but grew to love him. I helped her through her high school years and beyond, from dances to Shakespearian plays. Every moment of my life, I was proud of this amazing young woman.

The proudest day of my life was her high school graduation. Valedictorian, Vice President of her school, and proud writer of the school newspaper. I remember her thanking me for giving her everything she ever needed in her graduation speech, and I remember thinking that whatever I had given her, she had given back times ten. Despite my promise not to cry, I was blubbering into Sookie's shoulder by the time she finished her speech by saying that the person she most admired and wanted to be was me. My daughter, the beautiful, brilliant, charismatic wonder child could have any role model in the world and she chose me.

She entered Yale University the next year, beginning an entirely new chapter in her life, but somehow we remained as close as ever while she was away at college. She pursued her lifelong dream of becoming a journalist and in 2007, she graduated from Yale with that journalism degree in her hand, and the "high honors" cord around her neck. She smiled at me from the stage, and remembering our exchange at her high school graduation, made a face at me.

She was there standing beside me as I married the man I'd been in love with forever. Aside from Luke and I, she was the happiest person there. She laughed with me at the reception, while we inaugurated our own special "mother-daughter wedding dance".

Rory went on to write for the New York Times. It took her a lot of work to get there, but she's always been hard-working, and extremely bright. I loved reading her work in that paper, sharing it with Luke, and watching his face glow with pride at the exceptional woman we both love so much.

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Rory led an amazing life. She took every difficulty life handed her and made it an opportunity. She shattered every challenge placed in her way. And I'm sad today, because she's gone. It breaks my heart to think that a few days ago, my beautiful, talented, loving, and selfless daughter left this world. At the age of 25, my daughter accomplished more than some people do in an entire lifetime. She lived 20 years longer than anyone ever thought she would. She showed the world that she was a fighter, that she was a dreamer. She showed me the power of love, and the way it could make my life more than I ever dreamed it could be.

I remember sitting in that hospital room 25 years ago as they told me Rory would never even go to school. I got 20 years more than I ever imagined I would get with my daughter. I got to see all the things I thought I never would, from that first report card to the dream job. I got a chance to be as much a part of her life as she was a part of mine. She got a chance to change the world, to leave her mark. I will be forever grateful for the gifts that she gave me.

My daughter taught me everything worth knowing. She taught me how to give everything I had to something that couldn't last forever, if I believed in it enough. She taught me not to be afraid of losing things, or running out of time. How to make the time that I have worthwhile. She taught me how to open up, how to let someone else in the way I never could before her. To see the beauty all around me, and even within me. She taught me to hold on to all the things that matter to me, to dig my heels in and never let go.

As I remember the life of an amazing young woman who gave so much to this world, I can't help but remember what I felt the first time they placed her in my arms. As she opened her wide blue eyes, I had felt the most intense feeling I had ever known. All those times I fought for her, fought to keep her, fought the idea that she was never going to lead a full life, she repaid them all with that first glance. I will be forever in my debt for the worth and value, for the beauty and hope that she brought to my life. My daughter taught me so many things throughout the years, but the most important lesson she ever taught was the first. As she had looked into my eyes the day she was born, I learned the most important lesson in the world. Above all, my daughter taught me how to love.


End file.
